Memory and Dream and Encounter

I’ve been thinking about you for awhile 

Days and nights spent in the unrelenting prison of your memory, 

A time when i considered every text you sent scripture

A time when a single thought of you could derail my week 

Well, time is so sweet once it’s been expired 

And unnoticeable when its happening around us 

Time envelops your memory and cradles it, brushing it with cinnamon and coriander 

Cradling you in the acid of adolescence 

Adolescence, which took hold of me

…refused to let me go 

Dooming me to think about 

The slipshod days i spent with you 

 In that halfway house of your father’s, 

we never had each other,

But that would’ve ruined it, right? 

Last night i dreamt of you, 

Have you ever dreamt of someone you loved? 

It doesn’t even feel like your dreaming 

Everything is so real for the first time

I turn over in bed and there you are 

The outline of your back 

Your brown hair cascading around the gentle slope of your shoulders

You turn around and sigh, still asleep

Breathing down your neck, i realize that love reveals itself

It its inequities, in its unfairness

Love only exists in its own unknowability 

If love existed it wouldn’t exist…

I awoke to a text from you 

You were upset at yourself 

For not knowing what love feels like 

How i longed to share my feelings with you 

How i longed to tell you that love is what i feel 

Whenever you so much as cross my mind

But hesitance struck me down as it always has  

And i just answered in an unassuming way 

Laid back in bed, cursing myself out for being so feckless

Is this all im to experience of love? 

Merely the whiff of it? 

Hesitate, deny, obfuscate, destroy, rape, maim, poison, lie, lie, lie, lie,

 anything to avoid that great and primary responsibility of human life

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